Cutting
by Jamillia
Summary: Edward gets a look at exactly how much pain his leaving caused. Warning: Cutting
1. Prologue

**This is my fourteenth story. I started writing it because I wanted a story about some major depression that Bella went through, but in my hours of searching, I didn't find anything updated recently or finished (correct me if I'm wrong). So here is my story.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Edward's POV:_

Sunday, April 8th. Just yesterday that mutt had come and reminded us of the treaty. I didn't mind until I smelled the blood.

I knew of Bella's cuts since that day in Volterra. Holding her in my arms as we waited for the Volturi to finish feeding, I saw the thin, pink lines scattered along her left forearm. Some were fresh and had clearly scabbed over just day's prior. Others had faded to the point where I doubted she could still see them. Of course, my century of knowledge reminded me the scars, almost unperceivable darker than her natural skin color, would be clear and visible to her for at least the rest of her mortal life.

The faint patterns would be virtually invisible to other human's just months after their opening. She would have to point them out and only then, for that brief instance, would the person be able to pick out the many she had created. No body would be able to feel the brief bump in her skin – only her. The scars would be practically invisible.

But the patterns were etched into my memory as well as hers. The thin lines were ones she had made bleed. I cringed at the count. There were almost a hundred of them, scattered in various directions from her wrist to her elbow. The slightly darker strips without a visible line were those she had only cut away layers of the skin. I was silently thankful for those. Still, that count was further frightening. Almost two hundred made themselves visible. There were also many, which I noticed, had been cut into multiple times.

_She hasn't done it since I arrived._ Alice's words still rang in my ears. They brought relief, as well as another wave of guilt. I had caused this. By removing myself – a threat I now understand never existed – I left my angel in the worst pain with, obviously, few acceptable options in her mind.

How could I have done this? I was more of a monster than I ever knew. I had damaged my love, my angel, and my life in a way that could never be undone. The last few months would be forever etched into her memory. Every little scar would be forever remembered; regardless of the possibility her changing cleaned the skin of its imperfections. The patterns I could make out sometimes had names or images. My name, my initial, me. I had done this with the one action I thought would save her.

Of course, I hadn't thought of mentioning it until now. I knew remembering would be the most painful – reason enough to start again – and Jacob had done that. She needed now, more than ever, to escape the memory of the months I was away. The best I could do was withhold from mentioning it, and stay forever – something I fully intended to do.

But Jacob posed a problem. Bella could forget, or at least push aside the memories, but that dog would be a reminder. Even worse, as much as I hated to think it, he would be around a lot. Even if it caused her physical and mental pain, I knew she would keep him around. To complicate things even further, the nearby vampire attacks were becoming more frequent, making the need for the pack more necessary than it should be.

I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of pain and need. I could only do so much to help her. This was a big decision. She would be fully opposed to getting help or talking about it. The cutting had been a part of her life for months. Day after agonizing day, she did this while I sat around in Brazil making myself as useless as possible.

Help was the only way to solve this. If she had to have reminders, she could still find a different release. Perhaps our presence could do some work. But it clearly wasn't doing enough. Even with me here she continued the terrible dead. I sighed. This was going to be terribly difficult.

Bella was just now walking back into her room. She was dressed in her pajamas, ready for bed. I didn't want to have to bring this up now, the night before school started, but she had just cut in the bathroom. I had just smelled the sweet, red liquid pouring out of her arm just 10 feet away.

**So this is my brilliant cliffhanger. It's also the end of what will likely be my only chapter in Edward's POV.**


	2. Chapter 1

**This is the first official chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

"Bella?" a sweet, musical murmur asked from my bed.

"Hmm?" I responded, as I crawled under the covers next to Edward. There could only be so many reasons he wanted to talk to me.

The fear of his leaving again rose to the surface. It blocked off all other thoughts, brought tears to my eyes, and strangled my throat – leaving speaking outdated. Worst of all, it caused the fresh cut to burn. I pressed my arm into Edward's chest, hoping the cold would soothe the pain.

My hopes were short lived as his left hand took mine and placed it in clear view for both of us. In the process, he had moved himself to the edge of the bed. My tears fell at the obvious rejection and he moved his hand to wipe them away.

"Bella," he whimpered with pain laced into his voice. Perhaps he wasn't leaving – yet.

I managed to end the stream of tears, though the salty wetness continued to sting my cheeks and blur my vision.

Content with my new, slightly more stable state, his hand returned itself to my lower left arm. It found its way to the end of the sleeve of my pajama shirt and pushed it up to the elbow.

I gasped in surprise at the revealing gesture. He knew I had been cutting, and he knew I had just done so again. But why hadn't he said something before? Almost two weeks had gone by since we've gotten back from Volterra. The tears threatened to escape, but his silent look of acceptance and peace kept them at bay.

With gentle, calculating movements, his fingers glided across my scarred skin from my wrist to my elbow and back. My gaze flickered between my arm and his face. The honey topaz of his eyes reflected pain but never disappointment. I was slightly relieved knowing that I wouldn't be yelled at for the dangerous actions I had taken in his absence. Even more relief came when his palm covered the newest cut, providing some ease from the searing pain. At the same time, his stop had alerted me to the fact that he knew exactly what I had just done. I wished for nothing but escape from the nightmare that was currently ensuing.

"Bella…" his choked voice trailed off. He didn't know what to say, and neither did I.

"I'm sorry," I squeaked the first thing that came to mind.

Now his eyes flickered with disappointment – though it was short lived. I cringed – a natural response to the thought of him leaving again. I hated to have that memory burned into my very being. The pain I suffered before could only be mimicked by a repeat of the words and actions that had taken place just months prior. So he had promised he would never leave. It still never failed to scare me every time he seemed upset or unhappy with me.

Those perfect lips parted to speak but quickly shut again as he returned his body next to mine; leaving our arms sandwiched in the middle. "Don't be sorry, love," he whispered into my hair. Dozens of kisses followed his soothing words.

I relaxed into his strong hold. The gentle kisses, peaceful tone, and love in his eyes gave me some comfort in such a tension-filled time. Moreover, if he did decide to leave, I wanted to remember as much of him as I could. I wanted to enjoy tonight despite the dreadfulness of our few-worded yet full conversation.

"You know, we are going to have to talk about this." He gave a gentle squeeze on my arm to make sure I understood what he was talking about.

I stiffened at the thought. Perhaps he would still leave me. He was certainly still disappointed, whether or not he admitted it. Talking was the last thing I wanted. The last thing I thought I needed. Remembering was the worst, and having to take the time out of an otherwise busy and pleasing life was more than I wanted to do.

One last tear was shed and I managed to slip in a nod of understanding as my body and mind drifted to sleep at the sound of my lullaby. I welcomed the escape to unconsciousness with open arms. To leave behind the painful moments we had just spent was more than I could have hope for.

**Yet another brilliant cliffhanger (I think). I certainly hope you don't attack me with need for the next chapter. To let you in, it is an intensely boring, filler chapter. However, it answers some questions, sets up the next major part of the plot, and I'll share a secret with you.**


	3. Chapter 2

**This is the second chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

After school the next day, I came home to my continuous grounding. Ever since Charlie found out about the bike, the punishment for leaving unexpectedly was exponentially worse. It would be hours until I would be allowed to see Edward again, thanks to the new visiting hours limits placed on him, but I didn't mind too much on this particular day. Alice was free to come and go as she pleased, and I was thankful she didn't exercise that privilege at this moment. The very last thing I needed was to have the rest of the family know about me. Thankfully, Edward was the one who could read minds. Even better – he couldn't read mine.

As the homework-filled hours ticked by, I couldn't help but watch the clock as Edward's arrival, along with what was sure to be a painful conversation, drew ever closer. I wasn't sure if I was more excited to get to see him, or terrified of what I knew was coming. Maybe he would forget – I certainly wouldn't mind that. Or worse – maybe he would leave again, without another word.

Right on the dot, the doorbell rang, interrupting my thoughts. I stood up, slightly relieved, and went to get it. Both Charlie and I were used to the routine by now, and he didn't even stir.

I had been wearing long sleeves with the perfect excuse of Fork's winter weather, leaving Charlie in the dark about the worst of my depression. He had certainly noticed my saddened, unhappy, less-eating state. I couldn't imagine the trouble I'd be in if he realized I had been cutting almost every other day since Edward left. Even Jacob, my sun, hadn't managed to put an end to the ever-present pain.

"Good evening, Bella. Chief Swan," Edward greeted, politely as always. The very first thing I noticed was the grin plastered onto his face. He looked beautiful, like a god. The dark blue shirt and jeans he wore looked stunning with his hazel eyes.

I returned his greeting with a weak smile of my own. I couldn't imagine why he would be so happy. My situation surely wasn't the cause, and Charlie's back didn't deserve the warming beauty of his crooked smile. The fear of the imminent talk we would be holding later was likely clear on my face, and Edward's happiness slowly disappeared as his gaze studied my features.

Charlie's return greeting consisted of a grunt – another usual.

Edward took my hand and led me to the kitchen table where my homework lay, half finished.

"Work, Bella," he instructed. One perfect finger pointed at my open textbook to make sure I understood.

I rolled my eyes at him and sat while he located an extra pen and paper before sinking into the chair next to mine.

Mere seconds into my work, the torn piece of paper he had found was shoved in front of me.

_Tonight, Bella._

I exhaled in relief to my temporary escape written out in Edward's black-inked, perfect handwriting.

Just a moment's pause and the paper was yanked back to Edward by one stunning hand. As he scribbled on for a few seconds more, I looked up at his face. Intense focus—more than anybody should need to write something—was evident. I silently laughed at the thought. He looked up at my curious expression and pushed the paper back to me.

_Tomorrow, I have something for you. Don't worry . . . I didn't spend more than necessary. I'll explain more tonight._

I scowled at him – upset he had spent anything on me. At the same time, I was interested to find out what he believed was so necessary. Tonight was definitely going to be more exciting that I thought.

**Muhahaha! Cliffhanger and a superiorly boring, filler chapter. But, I think I answered a few things and set you up for the next, action-packed, super duper (growls at twilight-is-lovee for putting that word in my head) chapter.**

**And, now for the (not-so) secret (anymore)…**** I am writing this from experience. But please don't run-off screaming I'm crazy – 'cause I'm not. And neither is Bella. We just both lost true love in our first love, we both cut (well she does in my story), and, by the end of this story, we'll both have gotten help.**


	4. Chapter 3

**This is the third chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Edward left after I had finished my homework. Of course, unknown to Charlie, his absence was only temporary. Sometime tonight, probably during my shower, he would come through my window and spend the night with me.

I stepped into the hot water and tried to relax. The soothing stream got me halfway there. My tense muscles unknotted and that relieved my body, but my mind was still working furiously.

Edward was going to talk with me about cutting. I felt like such a baby for having to discuss this – with him in particular. For one, he was my boyfriend and the reason for my cutting. Secondly, he was a vampire. To top of the embarrassment, he had some sort of surprise for me. What was I going to say?

The frustration and unease of the fast-approaching situation brought the painful memories of those months when I was alone. The onslaught of images resulted in tears and a fresh wave of hurt. The hole, months in the making, opened up again as the thoughts of loss threatened to take over once more.

More tears formed and fell down my cheeks to mix with the still-warm water of the shower. I could taste the saltiness on my lips as I reached for the razor that was just inches away. Holding the handle as steadily as I could, I brought the blade to the middle of my forearm and pressed it in.

The skin broke in one smooth line and blood trickled out. I didn't care if Edward was here or not. All that mattered was the sweet release. Thankfully, the rusty smell floated along with the steam, away from my senses.

Unlike what I read to be others' reasons, I didn't do this for the pain. The first time was merely to see if it worked. The many times following was simply an addiction. It was a way to tear my mind away from the haunting thoughts of Edward.

Cutting never helped. It hurt me, and refocused my attention only for a short while. The action never brought worthwhile relief or comfort. In the end, it only left a scar to remind me. And the memory only prompted me to cut again. It was a vicious, never-ending cycle, and I was still trapped.

Of course, I often tried to justify my actions. The cutting was a visual release; or so I told myself. The hole that had formed with Edward's absence had no way to release or scab over. Each new cut represented that visual and convinced me I was getting better.

Deep down, I knew I wasn't. With Edward back, that knowledge was forced to the surface. I was whole and complete, yet I continued to cut. What justified my actions now?

"Bella?" Edward's caring, soft voice floated to my ears. It startled me; I hadn't heard him enter.

Now I realized the choked sobs ringing in my ears. My crying drowned out even the steady beat of water hitting my back.

I moved to return the razor and turn off the shower. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw five pale fingers wrap around the edge of the curtain to pull it aside.

A rush of cold air hit my back and I shuddered involuntarily before a dry towel was wrapped around my bare body. Two strong arms found their way around my waist and pulled me into a seated position on Edward's lap. I buried my face into his chest and continued crying.

We sat there for what could have been half an hour. He never said a word, choosing instead to comfort me by stroking my hair and rubbing my back. My eyes eventually grew dry but the sobs never ceased.

When my tired self was hiccupping more than crying, Edward picked me up and carried me to bed. I lied down and curled up into a ball while he went back for my pajamas.

"Get dressed, love," he whispered seconds later. "I'll be right back. I promise." He left a quick kiss on my forehead before disappearing out the door again.

I dressed quickly, tossing the towel into the far corner, and crawled into bed. Edward lied next to me a moment later.

**Ya ya! I know I said this would be the chapter. You'll just have to wait one more.**


	5. Chapter 4

**This is the fourth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

He took my left arm and placed the blade of razor next to the fresh scab of my newest cut. I looked to his face for a reaction.

The bright moonlight that shone through my window clearly illuminated every feature. His lips were parted in terribly concealed shock. His eyebrows were pulled together and the honey color of his eyes was filled with pain and grief. The rest of his perfect, pale face glowed.

"You used this?" he breathed.

I snorted. It was obviously a rhetorical question. The length of the cut matched perfectly and it was the only thing I was holding when he saw me in the shower. Only now could I finally smell the rusty scent of the blood left on the edge of the blade. I wondered if he could smell it too.

I watched him carefully as his face slowly composed itself. At the same time, he pulled the razor off my arm and tossed it away. I silently hoped he would move it. The last thing I needed was a hospital trip for stepping on a razor.

"Why?" he asked, his voice strangled.

"Because you left," I whispered back. The tears began to streak my face again. He was so upset; the pain in his voice was terribly obvious. And the memory pushed me over the edge. He pulled me back into his arms and held me as I cried.

"Why do you still do it?"

"The fear. The memory," I managed between breaths. He held me closer and tangled his limbs with mine. The silent message was the only promise he could make for me to feel better:

_Edward loved me. He wasn't leaving._

The tears slowly retreated as I held onto him with all my strength. He didn't move an inch in his effort to remind me of the statement repeated in the last week. I took some comfort from his never-ending attempt to convince me. Perhaps he wasn't leaving. Maybe his regret was sincere and he would stay.

I smiled into his chest, telling him I finally believed. His apology was accepted and his promise was understood. I trusted him and certainly hoped he wouldn't change his mind again.

A chaste kissed was placed on my forehead and he pulled away just enough to look into my eyes. The love in his eyes shined as bright as a star. The seriousness mixed in was both comforting and frightening.

"Now," he said, "You're going to have to talk about this." So that is what he got me – therapy.

I buried my head in the pillow and groaned. The last thing I wanted was to talk about it. Nobody needed to know what I went through, and nobody could help. Plus, I didn't want to spend the time to actually go see someone. In addition, in order to get me out of the house, we would have to tell Charlie. Having him know could turn out to be the worst.

"No," I stated matter-of-factly. There was no way he was getting me to talk about this.

"Please, Bella." The strain in his voice made it clear how much pain this caused him. "I know you don't think so, but talking will help. You said it yourself – the memory is the problem now."

"Exactly! Why should I take the time to talk to some stranger about what happened? Plus, if the memory is the problem, then why should I force myself to relive it? Shouldn't I be trying to forget instead?"

I looked up to meet his gaze. The pain of his own memories was etched onto every inch of his face. He didn't like this any more than I did, and he knew I was right. I smirked, proud of myself for making such good, forceful points.

"Because you need the help to see and remember things differently." He held up my cut arm to prove his point. "Leaving was a mistake – one I won't make again. My leaving hurt you more than I thought it would – I thought you'd be able to forget me. And, leaving you hurt me too… more than you could ever imagine. This is my fault, Bella, and I will spend eternity making it up to you. Talking . . . just needs to be the first step." I was silent for a moment; stunned by Edward's words. If he could, he would have been crying by now.

"I can't believe you're blaming yourself," I started slowly, tears of my own falling. "Edward, you're always blaming yourself! Don't you understand? This isn't –" A cold finger pressed my lips, effectively ending my words.

"Shh, love. It is my fault and I promise you, I _will_ make it right. Now, tomorrow is your first appointment. Since Charlie doesn't know, we got him to agree to have Alice take you shopping. Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

I was about to object when he started humming my lullaby. Perhaps now was not the time to argue. I was tired, and at least Charlie could remain oblivious a bit longer. Hopefully forever.

**Ta-dah! How was that for an "action-packed, super duper chapter"? Pretty good, in my opinion. (And in Twilight-is-Lovee's! Hehe.) Hope you're looking forward to the next. (Though, it may not be as action-packed or super duper.)**

**We would all thank Twilight-is-Lovee for being my super duper, amazing beta-reader. My stories would be nothing without her.**


	6. Chapter 5

**This is the fifth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

So far, Tuesday had been going well. Edward was with me when I woke-up; acting like nothing had happened. The car ride was pleasant, as were my first four classes. The dreadful discussion that had consumed last night was disregarded in conversation. Smiles and laughter had filled much of my morning.

"Bella?" Alice whispered from across the table. Edward's hand gently squeezed my waist confirming my fears. It was her turn to talk with me.

"Yesterday after school, Edward and I went to meet your therapist. Her name is Nancy and she's really nice. You'll like her."

I felt a bit more comfortable with the situation. The approval of Alice was hard to earn, or so I'd found out from shopping with her. Edward's nod of agreement was exponentially more difficult when it came to situations involving my health and safety. Both left me stunned into silence.

"I assume Edward's already told you the first meeting is today. She said you should have your parent or guardian come along. However, you probably don't want Charlie. So, whom would you like? The choice is yours."

I took a bite of apple while I thought. Alice was right – no way was I taking Charlie. I even hated to admit I was going, but a family of vampires would manage to get me there somehow. Carlisle and Esme would be nice. They were like my second parents. However, I didn't want to burden them. Perhaps Jasper would be helpful. He could keep me calm and I would appear fine. Knowing Alice, she'd probably find out and warn him ahead of time. Emmett and Rosalie were also off the list. I wanted to avoid more publicity as much as possible. Hopefully, they were still oblivious.

Alice and Edward had been staring at me intently while I thought through my choices. "I guess you and Edward," I said, uncomfortable with the attention.

"Okay, I'll meet you there after school." I watched as Alice stood and walked off toward her next class.

"Time to go, love," Edward said. I stood up and walked with him. The tension in the air eased away as our conversation filled up again with talk of school and friends.

--

After sixth period while I was entering the car, the memory of the upcoming, doom-filled hour hit. Remembering brought tears to my eyes. I turned my head and closed my eyes to hide from Edward's gaze. He took the hint and kept silent the entire drive to Port Angeles.

"Here already?" I questioned in a half whisper when I felt the car stop. It hadn't been a very long drive. Then again, I suppose the speed would have an effect.

"Yes. Nancy works from her house."

I opened my eyes to a stunning sight. The grass was littered with plants. One beautiful apple tree stood front and center surrounded by various flowers and other green plants. In the background, up against the house, multiple rose bushes stood three-feet tall. All possible colors were represented on their individual, perfectly cut bush. To top it off, a dark green vine covered the white wall in what appeared to be a random, yet amazing pattern. The colors and organization of it all made for a picture perfect scene.

Edward opened my door and offered his hand. I reached out to take it and stood. Alice came up behind him, smiling at me. I returned her greeting and refocused on the garden. A twisted path of carefully placed stepping-stones led from my current location to the door. Tentatively, I took my first step towards the unknown. I wanted to believe that it was going to be torture, but I wasn't sure anymore.

**The garden and location of the therapist is based off my second one. However, there are some major differences. For example, my therapist had cacti and didn't live in Port Angeles. Because the way I like to write is with a little bit of research, a lot of this story is going to be based off my own experience. Don't be afraid to ask questions. I don't mind sharing – obviously.**

**Next chapter holds the introduction to Nancy and the house, as well as a little bit of the first talk. Enjoy! Chapter 7 is going to have you in tears (it had me).**


	7. Chapter 6

**This is the sixth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

**If, by the end of this chapter, you are interested in researching the color brown, I recommend 'sensationcolor(dot)com' LOL! Also, Wikipedia is good for looking at different shades of the colors.**

_Bella's POV:_

A musical tone rang when Edward pushed the doorbell. It sounded much like blowing a whistle in steady, short beats. Seconds later, a five-foot-five, overweight, tan-skinned, mid-thirties looking woman answered. Her face bore no make-up, choosing instead to look beautiful with a smile and shining, sepia-colored eyes. Dirty blonde, shoulder-length, wavy hair fell around her face in a messy, yet presentable fashion. She wore a light-blue dress that was patterned with flowers and ended just below the knee. Off-white dress shoes were placed on her feat. Overall, she looked like a very friendly, normal person.

"You must be Bella," she said cheerily. "Come on in." She motioned for us to go into a room just to the right.

The small area was quite a sight. A fireplace and mantle stood five-feet in front of the doorway to this side room. On the right was a window covered in homemade, fall colored, flower-print blinds. On the left was a couch facing away from the window. The entire area in between was cluttered with various objects – most of which were in shades of brown.

In front of the couch was a white marble table. The centerpiece was a two-foot tall, sapphire vase filled with flowers of dark red, deep purple, and dark blue. This table was also covered in multiple other small objects – one of which being a tissue box.

To the right of the table was a large painting along with even more, and taller, brown-shaded objects. Among these was an owl. It stood out for some reason.

On the other side of the table was another couch. Behind it were even more, tiny, brown-shaded objects. Against the far wall stood a table topped with what I assumed to be pictures of the therapist's family. They looked like a loving family with a dad, mom, and two sisters. The many images also told me both daughters were in their mid-twenties at least.

_Great!_ I must look like an idiot standing here gawking with two vampires holding my hands.

Sensing my discomfort, Edward squeezed my hand and led me to the closer couch. I sat down in the middle with Edward on my right, closer to the wall, and Alice on my left.

The therapist sat down in a dark brown dining room set chair. She was facing us at a diagonal, putting us between her and the fireplace area. Behind her was a chandelier hanging over the rest of the wood set. The white walls were covered with more pictures.

"So how are you today?" she asked. Her good mood didn't help lighten the atmosphere. I was beyond disappointed that I had to be here.

"Fine," I grimaced, sinking backward. Because of my sideways turn to see the lady whom Alice called Nancy, I fell onto Edward rather than the cushions.

He caught me in his cold embrace and wrapped his arms around my stomach to keep me close while his nose was buried in my hair to hide the visual of him smelling my blood. Unfortunately, this simple gesture caused Nancy to jot down some notes. Alice took this moment to glare at Edward – likely screaming at him mentally for something he was planning.

"She's just a bit nervous. And being naturally shy doesn't help much, either," Alice stated in an effort to explain my sour mood.

"I see. Well, do you know why you're here?" Nancy asked me, her smile never faltering.

_Of course I do! It's these stupid cuts! Edward left and the pain came._

I winced at the memory. Regardless, this wasn't Edward's fault. It was never his fault. Nevertheless, I pretended it was because I had no other reason.

"You tell me," I said. I wasn't about to say anything that she didn't need to know.

Nancy scribbled a short note on her pad before continuing. "How about we have Alice and Edward say what they think?"

Alice, who had been facing the lady, turned to look at Edward and me. She still looked mad, but some pain and love leaked through. Not wanting to meet her gaze, I stared at the wall behind her. "Bella, you're my best friend and I love you like a sister. Seven months ago, when my brother left you and our family moved to Los Angeles, you were heartbroken," Alice stated, referencing to the cover story the Cullens had used.

The pain in her voice was obvious as she continued. "When we came back a week ago, everything was fine and went back to normal. But then you cut again and we found out. I hate seeing you so upset. I hate that you choose to do this."

Her speech had brought me to tears and she reached to hand me a tissue. Instead, Edward chose to wipe away the tears himself. After several minutes of my crying, I managed to calm down. Ready to continue, Nancy motioned for Edward to begin.

Carefully, he untangled his arms and moved me to face him. Alice came up behind me and hugged me in his absence. Pain and grief flickered in his slightly darker eyes. I was about to break down again – knowing that I'd caused that reaction – when he began.

**A/N: His well-worded and thought out speech is the next chapter. You know, the one that had me in tears?**

**I know how much you all hate cliffhangers, but I write out a draft in a composition book. And I have found five written pages equal one typed page (700-800 words). In case you haven't noticed, that's about how long my chapters are. By the time I got to his speech, I had seven pages. Therefore, you'll just have to wait until tomorrow.**


	8. Chapter 7

**This is the seventh chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephanie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

"My dear, Bella. I love you so much – more than words can describe. You are my sun, my light, my missing half, and my singer. Every other girl in the world, now and forever, pales in comparison to you. There is no one half as worthy of my affections as you are.

"Every second of my pitiful existence is for you, and I hate the many years fate spent keeping us apart. I often wonder why it would be so cruel as to do so. Then I remember how beautiful and caring you are, and realize how much you deserve better than my poor excuse at being a man.

"Your gorgeous blush is so alluring. Your pale skin is so soft and warm. Your wavy, brown hair is silky to the touch. And your lovely, chocolate eyes are full of love and trust. All of which I don't deserve.

"When I left you all those months ago, it was with your best interests in mind. I'm a monster, and you deserve a regular, normal, happy existence. I left, hoping you could forget and move on. I didn't realize how much it would hurt you. If I had, I would have stayed without a second thought.

"But I didn't know. I couldn't know. And I made the biggest mistake of my life. Now I see how much it hurt you, only now, after the damage is already done. I curse the day I was born just because I now know it leads to your suffering.

"Even worse… I broke you to the point of no repair. Despite my return, the memory of those seven torturous months apart continues to torment you. I absolutely despise myself for leaving, and I will spend my entire life making it up to you."

**(A/N: Are you in tears? I am. Anyways, I just had to mention that Edward sounds like he needs a therapist now, too.)**

Edward's strangled words had me in tears. The love and care behind them was mixed in with the pain and agony he felt. It hurt to see my angel like this.

Of course, I hadn't lasted long. The very mention of being his singer had brought the tears and memories. To me, 'La Tua Cantante' meant soul mates. My blood sang to him in a way no others could. That was the reason for his immediate interest as well as a lot of our relationship. I knew my humanity was fragile, and the smell of my blood called to him, scared him.

Next, hearing talk of fate and my deserving better only resulted in further self-hatred. How could such a beautiful creature believe I was better than he deserved? Then, when he tried to explain how I looked in his eyes, Edward took my hand. The simple gesture pushed my silent tears to the edge and I fell forward, clutching my sides.

Now, the words of explanation came. The soft, beautiful words he uttered were the disease and the cure at the same time. He had left for my well-being, but the endless depression I had faced in his absence had left me practically dead. The hole that had formed opened again and I clutched my sides even harder.

Finally, his words of regret were laid on the table. It took every ounce of my self-control not to thrash out. Each and every one of the cuts I'd made since his leave burned with a painful intensity. His pained words only continued the dreadful sensation.

Realizing the distress, Edward placed his palms over my left forearm. The cold relieved most of my bodies suffering.

I didn't know how long we had been sitting like that, but Nancy's voice broke through the thick air. "I think that's good for today."

I nodded and got up. Leaving was a very nice idea. Edward stayed behind for a minute to make another appointment while Alice and I walked towards the car.

"He loves you, you know?" she said as I was getting in.

"I do," I whispered once the door had closed.

I took one last glance at Nancy's smiling face as Edward drove away. I would be coming back Saturday – the day Charlie would be out fishing. _Sigh_.


	9. Chapter 8

**This is the eighth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

The car ride home was spent in silence; though I'm sure Alice and Edward were a having mental conversation. For once, I was glad to be left out. Our first session had gone no less than interestingly, and I did not want to relive it.

The drive to Forks, Charlie's house, and in the driveway was all-silent. I stepped out of the car and walked inside slowly. The last thing I saw was the pain in Edward's eyes as he sped away.

I closed the door and turned around to walk upstairs. Instead, I sunk onto the floor, staring blankly ahead as I reviewed the day's activities. The morning was pleasant and calm. Lunch had brought a fresh wave of pain, but I forgot quickly as Edward's light mood returned for fifth period. After school, I had suffered through a trip to Port Angeles just so I could cry for an hour in front of a stranger.

The tears came again, streaking my face. Why couldn't the nightmare end already? Edward was back and everything was fine. The only problem was remembering.

In all of my misery, I had forgotten about the owl. It seemed so ordinary and plain, yet out of place and unique. The colors drew me in and begged to be understood. During the slow crawl I used to make it upstairs, I made a mental note to ask Edward about it later.

I fell backwards onto bed. So many different details of today called for my attention. Their numbers startled me and I soon fell asleep, exhausted by the overwhelming feeling. Asleep, I took no notice as to whom, if anyone, came by the house. The only thing that told me Charlie had come back was the note I found in the morning saying he would be out late.

I looked out the window. The unpredictable clouds this morning would give me a day to sort out my thoughts. Moreover, Charlie's absences would make talking to Edward easier. I smiled inwardly. Perhaps things were getting better.

The majority of the day was spent sorting through last night's thoughts. Even at lunch, I ignored my peers, preferring to think about how I would ask my many questions. By the time I got home, the rest of my night was planned out – word for word. All I had to do was to wait until twilight when Edward would come through the window.

While I lied on my bed anxiously, I couldn't help but think about Edward's words again. He held me on a pedestal, high above everyone else. He would kill himself for laying one bad finger on me. He had mentioned time and again just how precious I was. Edward hated himself. He thought he had broken his favorite thing in the world.

I certainly reciprocated those feelings. Not one word had he used that I wouldn't. My love for him was at least as deep as his was for me. Seeing him pained and upset hurt me almost as much as his leaving.

A soft footstep sounded and then the edge of my bed sank a bit. Edward was here.

I grimaced. Just like I'd planned, I'd start off slow and gradually shift toward the specifics – namely, that owl.

"Hey," he murmured. His voice was velvet, willing me to forget my plan and fall asleep.

"Where were you last night?"

"Just out for a stroll. I came by, but you were asleep and I didn't want to wake you."

"I wouldn't have minded."

He chuckled a little. His eyes seemed to light up shortly before shifting back to their hazy, pain-filled selves.

"Alice said you had some questions for me?" he prodded, making it sound like a question.

"Yeah. Well, first… what does the color brown represent?"

**_IMPORTANT:_**

**This chapter is at least four hours early. Because I have school starting in two days, I'm not sure how crazy it's going to be, so I'm not sure I will be able to find the time to post for a while. At the same time, I'm almost sure I will be able to sneak a second sometime. (Even if I lose a wink of sleep. I love you guys too much.) Anyways, I will try tomorrow to post Ch. 9 so I don't have to worry too much on my first day of school. If not, I will post twice Thursday.**

**By the way, it is currently Wednesday in Twilight time.**

**Anyways, this was Bella's chapter to think. The next one is going to be full of answers. And, for those of you too lazy to look up the color brown, that will be the first one I answer (obviously).**


	10. Chapter 9

**This is the ninth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Edward chuckled. "You're quite observant."

"Well, it was hard to miss."

He signed and continued. "Brown usually represents stability, reliability, and approachability. In relation to the earth, it represents nature and organic things. Much like soil or bark.

"As with all colors, it's presumed that it affects your body. Supposedly it supplies a feeling of wholesomeness and improves your stability." He chuckled. "Mentally. Not physically. It's also supposed to give you a sense or orderliness and give you a connection with Earth. The Native Americans believe brown represents the power of self-discipline."

"Well, that was… informational." I couldn't pick out why all those things were important. The color was so obvious in the room and I didn't understand why.

"What about the garden?" It was beautiful. "Did it have a meaning?"

"You never cease to amaze me with your perceptiveness," Edward said with a smile.

"That was only one of my questions."

"I'm not too sure, but I believe it was telling a story. The apple is choice. The scripture from Genesis calls it 'the fruit of knowledge of good and evil.'

"The many little flowers around it represent all the different minds of people. That's why there are different colors in all directions.

"The roses in back are meant to be the clarity and cleanliness of each mind once enlightened. The bushes are cut and fresh. Technically, roses represent love and beauty, but I'm not sure how that fits in.

"The vine shows all the possible paths a being can take – random and unorganized, yet special and beautiful.

"Finally, the stepping-stones are for you. Once outside the car, you were on the first stone standing on the outskirts of the grass, among the many small flowers. As you move closer to the door, they become closer together to show you're closer to your goal. On your way, you pass under the tree for a quick peek at what will happen. Then you pass the roses and vine to see what others have done.

"Back out, you walk away from enlightenment and your future. Because of that, the stones grow farther apart with uncertainty."

"What about when you're done with therapy?" I asked, not missing a beat.

"We'll just have to find out, won't we?" he responded, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Plus, it's only a theory."

Edward's story had me upright with interest. Brow creased in concentration, I fell backward onto my pillow.

Despite what he thought, his theory sounded awfully logical to me. In human eyes, the garden was merely a pretty sight. In vampire eyes, the motive behind everything must be clear. Now, the meaning behind it all seemed very obvious.

However, the brown color still had me wondering. Why was a connection to earth and power of self-discipline so important?

"Time for sleep, love," Edward murmured after placing another kiss on my forehead.

"Just one more question?"

"No, Bella. You need some rest. Perhaps tomorrow."

I was about to retort when Edward's soft hum began. My lullaby filled the room with its gentle tune. All the thoughts lost, I drifted to sleep.

**There are some MAJOR points in this chapter. So much is laid out, and next chapter is just going to give some more. I hope you liked it!'**

**Sorry for taking that extra day. First day of school was hell.**


	11. Chapter 10

**This is the tenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Standing in the main square, I looked around for Edward. Alice had pointed out a general direction, but I still scanned the crowds of Volterra for him. I caught a glimpse just as the clock began to chime. It was noon and he would step out from the shadows in just twelve seconds.

Each precious moment passed breathlessly as I went as fast as I could.

"Edward!" I screamed his name.

I was too late.

Two cloaked figures flew at him to hide the sparkle of his skin when the sun hit it. I was left with a brief glimmer – not enough for anyone to notice – as my last memory. Edward was dragged away as I came to my knees in tears.

--

I bolted upright in shock. My heart was thrumming loudly in my ears. I willed my body to relax as the reality of Edward seeped in through every inch of me he held.

"A bad dream," he whispered, trying to convince me.

I nodded in an effort to believe. "I was too late."

"I'm still here," he said, holding me tighter. I was so grateful for his understanding. I don't think I could have relived the dream.

I rested my head on his chest while he hummed 'Clair de Lune.' It was one of my favorites and he knew it would calm me down. At the end of the song, when my heartbeat had returned to normal, he spoke up again.

"It's time for you to get ready for school."

I stood slowly and walked towards the bathroom. Half way through getting dressed, I realized there was still another question to ask Edward. School would certainly be interesting.

Downstairs, I skipped breakfast altogether and rushed out the door to meet Edward again. A soft kiss was all it took to pull my attention away from the question. Due to Edward's stealthiness, all morning was spent in pleasant thoughts.

Finally, lunch came around. Sitting with Alice had brought back the memories despite her attempt to focus my attention elsewhere.

With no warning, I scowled at Edward. He seemed taken-aback by the sudden change in mood, though humor and understanding danced in his eyes. Finally, Alice shut up.

"Why did you make me forget?" I demanded.

"Because I didn't want all day to be a memory." His words rang with sincerity and I relaxed.

"Is there something special about the owl?"

"So perceptive," he sighed.

I waited patiently for his response.

"It's called the 'pearl-spotted owlet.' It typically eats invertebrate such as worms or crickets. However, it can get small birds or rodents as well.

"It has a cinnamon brown colored, seventeen to twenty centimeter body, with an off-white facial disk. The upper body is brown with white spots. The under body is white with streaks of brown. Quite an average bird.

"The eyes are typically yellow, though the one you saw had a golden-yellow edge in its eyes.

"They breed from August to November and lay two to four eggs. The young leave the nest after about a month. All though adults don't have much sexual dimorphism, their young are paler with a shorter tale.

"Their range in Africa is south of the Sahara, excluding desert and forest. They tend to like open savannah and semi-woodland areas. Long grass deserts and heavy forest is avoided."

Absorbing his words, I tried to comprehend the importance of it all. The owl had seemed so important for some reason. Now it was just an average creature living in Africa. My initial reaction seemed silly.

**Ooh la la! You'll never get that one.**


	12. Chapter 11

**This is the eleventh chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

The next two days flew by. All conversations were kept light and friendly. Between Edward, Alice, and the rest of my friends, I hadn't had a moment without smiling. Never before could I recall having so much fun.

Besides the light-hearted daytime hours, nights were spent peacefully. At home, I would finish any homework. Edward's arrival came soon after and my allowed time with him was spent in close proximity on the couch while Charlie watched games on television. When he left, I showered. Afterwards, my sleep-filled nights would be spent in bed next to an angel.

Despite the bliss of it all, my mind was constantly thinking of the doom I would face come Saturday. The memories of months apart from Edward, the words of our last meeting with Nancy, and every fear of the next came crashing down when I got a message from Jacob.

"He says he hopes you'll go down to La Push tomorrow. They're having a beach bonfire after the game," Charlie announced when I was on my way upstairs to shower.

'After the game' would also mean after the next appointment. Spending a day with the pack would be the perfect excuse to get out of therapy, but Edward would never allow it. My therapy was much too important to him.

"Sorry, Dad. Can't go. Lots of homework," I lied. Hopefully, he wouldn't catch my lie and question me.

"Okay, Bells. Good night."

I rushed upstairs, almost tripping on the last step, and started the water for my shower. I undressed quickly and stepped into the stream of warmth. My body relaxed, leaving my mind to drown in its thoughts.

The months without Edward had left me lonely and depressed. Before Jacob, I was much like a zombie. Then he became my sun and helped heal my body of the hole Edward left. Now, my Jacob was a terrible reminder of that time.

Without knowing, I had reached for the razor and held it against the pale flesh of my left wrist. I looked at my arm and examined the patterns created over the months. The cut from Sunday had a thick scab over it. Those prior had increasingly thinner scabs until they were merely pink scars. My first cuts had been reduced to dainty lines, barely darker than my natural color. I was certain no human could pick them out, even if they were looking. **(A/N: Experience! My P.E. teacher, also one of my best adult friends, couldn't see my scars until I pointed them out.)**

_I need this release._ I thought as I pushed the blade into my tender skin.

Crimson blood poured out of the fresh wound as clear tears fell from my eyes. I set the razor down; pleased the scent followed the steam of the shower away from my nose. Edward would certainly be unhappy tonight. But at least my mind could finally rest.

I stepped out of the shower and dried off before changing into my pajamas. I smiled, seeing what I had packed to sleep in tonight. A long sleeve shirt and sweats would be the perfect cover up to my deeds. Edward didn't have to know.

Walking into my room, I saw my angel resting on my bed. A few steps more gave me a clear view of his porcelain, moonlit face.

His eyes were shut tight and I could practically hear the sound of wheels turning in his head. Mouth agape, a set of sharp, white teeth were revealed. Finally, his nose was flaring in an effort to supply his body with unneeded air.

"Bella," he growled softly when I sat on the edge of the bed. He sounded incredibly angry. Edward knew about my cut.

One look at my scared face had him by my side in an instant. I was gathered in his arms and laid down on the bed beside him.

"Bella," he whispered gently. The tears began to fall from my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I cried.

"It's okay, love. Go to sleep." He held me close and hummed my lullaby. I was asleep long before it ended.

**B/N!! (Beta's Note):**

**Hello there, dear Readers!**

**I'd like to say, I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes in this chapter. I didn't go to sleep until 5:00 this morning (Don't ask why.) and had to wake up for school at 6:00. Therefore, I'm clearly exhausted. So! If you see any grammar/spelling errors in this chapter, please inform us in a review and I'll be sure never to make the mistake again! Thanks tons!**

**3 Twilight-is-Lovee**

**A/N:**

**I went through the chapter quickly (I'm exhausted too), and caught a few things. I'd be happy to fix and re-post if there are more. Love ya all!**


	13. Chapter 12

**This is the twelfth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Saturday morning was spent in a weary state. I was certain Edward was upset over last night, though he did a fine job of keeping it hidden. Plus, the very thought of Nancy – who appeared very kind – caused me to become scared and upset.

The entire morning was spent in an awkward silence. Edward was very patient and understanding – perhaps too much for my liking. I didn't want to be treated even more fragilely, but I was unwilling to speak up. Furthermore, if I said a word, I'd probably have an emotional breakdown. Finally, after hours of agonizing muteness, Edward spoke up.

"Five o'clock, Bella. Perhaps you should get ready."

I nodded my head, still too afraid to speak, and dragged myself upstairs. With Edward's driving, I had no fear of being late, so I took my time.

Eventually decent, I stumbled back down the stairs lazily. Of course Edward caught me before I could fall. Safe in his strong arms, we were at the car mere seconds later, speeding down the highway to Port Angeles.

I closed my eyes settling in for the ride. At some point, Edward's right hand laced its fingers through my left hand, and I fell asleep in comfort. It felt like it was only a minute later when I was being lifted from the car and carried to Nancy's front door. Before she answered, I was placed on my feet and standing upright.

This was it. This next hour would be the one I feared for so long. Now, all my thoughts were left behind. Anything up until now was lost to the wind.

And there, right before my eyes, stood Nancy, smiling from her doorway. Today she wore a black dress with what appeared to be roses scattered everywhere in shades of grey. The dress fell outward from her body, ending just below the knee. Black, one-inch heels finished the dark colored outfit nicely. Nancy was still very kind and normal looking.

"She wants to help, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear as we were welcomed inside.

Edward sat in the middle of the couch, pulling me to his left so I was closer to Nancy. All though I was not on his lap, I was still pulled up against his body and relaxed against his chest. His arms wrapped around my midsection, holding me together the same way I always did for myself when the pain of the hole in my body returned.

My head rested against his neck, the cold helping the headache, which had already formed from the thought of tears. Edward's chin sat on top of my head, facing the same direction I was.

"So, where would you like to start? How have things gone since Tuesday?" Nancy began.

I sighed. I was going to need some Tylenol later – the headache could only get worse.

Looking away before answering to escape her penetrating gaze, I looked over the room. It was still brown and full of little trinkets. Despite the ordinariness, the same owl as last time caught my attention.

This time, however, I knew what it was. The "pearl-spotted owlet," as Edward called it, was a normal bird. Its color was brown and white, much like the color of my hair in contrast to my skin. He had also said the eyes were supposed to be yellow, though this one had a golden-yellow edge. I couldn't help but think of Edward's honey colored eyes – they were so alike.

As I thought about the owl further, I related it's breeding pattern to that of humans. Though we don't mate in particular months, we typically have two kids, just like the pearl-spotted owlet. In addition, adult humans don't have to be so varied, though our children are quite different for most of their lives.

Relating the owl to myself even more, I decided that the meadow could be much like the range of the bird. An "open meadow and semi-woodland areas." Although the meadow was surrounded by forest, I suppose you could say it was much alike.

It seemed silly to relate the owl to myself. It was an average creature, just as I was an average human. There wasn't anything particularly special about either of us. Regardless, the owl seemed extremely important.

**Also, keep in mind that although Edward and Bella had one child, they mated in August, which is one of the months for the owl.**

**WOW?!**


	14. Chapter 13

**This is the thirteenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

"Bella cut again," Edward said solemnly.

I turned to glare at him. Couldn't he just say 'fine' like a normal person would?

Nancy fidgeted in her seat and looked at me. "Is this true, Bella?"

"Mmhmm," I whimpered.

"I see," she continued. "Why do you think this is?"

"I don't know."

Why couldn't they all just be quiet and leave me alone? There was nothing wrong with me. I just had some pain and needed the release. All of the cutting would stop. Eventually.

"Well… Edward, what do you think?"

He was silent for a minute, pretending to think about what to say. I knew his words would only cause me more pain, so I mentally prepared for myself for the onslaught of emotions that I would face.

While waiting for his words to come, I thought back to the conversation Alice and I shared after the first meeting.

_"He loves you, you know?"_

_"I do."_

Why couldn't it be that easy? Why did I have to go around and ruin everything I had? Edward left, taking part of me with him, leaving nothing but an empty person. Now he was back and the void in my life was filled. So why in the world did I still have to suffer?

"I don't know. For once in my life, I don't know. It's my fault. I left her – I had no choice. We both fell apart and this is how she dealt with the pain. I just… I don't understand," he answered, sounding broken. I was on the verge of tears.

Looking around the room to do something other than meet their eyes, I observed the various objects. A stuffed monkey; rock crystals; several Native American dolls; a jewelry box with a rose on the top; a carved, chocolate, Labrador puppy; and an old-fashioned abacus all stood on a table behind the brown couch across from where Edward and I sat.

"Okay. Bella, what do you think?"

What _did_ I think? Well, for one, it certainly was not Edward's fault. I didn't care what he said or what he went through, there was no way my actions were his fault. Secondly, I highly doubted there was a problem anymore. After all, just because I had done it again last night, didn't mean that I needed to do it again – it was just a little addiction.

"Nothing. Not anymore," I said confidently, looking at Nancy. "I just needed to escape the pain, and now I don't have to. Edward's back." A second later, I realized exactly what I had said. Turning around to face Edward, I needed to clarify. "Not that it's your fault. I made the stupid decision to try it out."

"I see. Well, our time is up so I won't see you until… Tuesday?"

Edward nodded his head in agreement and she scribbled a little more in a small planner. Come to think of it, Nancy had been writing stuff down almost the entire time.

We all stood and walked to the door. Edward and I stepped outside and Nancy waved goodbye.

When we were just outside the car, Edward turned me to face him. Both his hands came up to cup my cheeks and he stared into my eyes. He inhaled deeply and exhaled in a rush. The cold, sweet breath blew over my face, stunning my senses. His smell was just too intoxicating for me to be able to think straight.

"My behavior this morning and last night was inexcusable. I'm sorry. I'm not upset or mad or anything of the soft. It's just… everything was going fine and then…" He hung his head.

I felt so bad for misinterpreting his actions as anger. Reaching up in comfort, I touched his cheek. The cold feeling sent shocks through my body. It was drastically different, but felt so good all at the same time.

In response, he lifted his head and looked back into my eyes. "The roses," he whispered.

"Huh?"

"The roses – I know what they mean now. The love and the beauty are you. You, Bella – you're the rose at the end of this. And now, of course; all the flowers are so beautiful, and so are you. I love you."

I blushed at his words, and looked over his shoulder at the garden to escape his eyes. I saw the roses and tried to comprehend what he was saying.

Out of nowhere, his lips met mine in a soft and gentle, yet passionate kiss. I was completely lost to the moment of peace and love we were in.

All too soon, it ended. I was a bit upset, but I stepped into the car and we drove off.


	15. Chapter 14

**This is the fourteenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Edward dropped me off at home and left just as quickly so that Charlie wouldn't see him. I sat inside and moped around the house in exhaustion and self-hatred. The meetings with Nancy always left me emotionally drained and dreading life. One of the harder parts was having to listen to Edward continuously blame himself when it was my own stupid fault.

Charlie remained at Billy Black's house longer than anticipated and ended up coming home two hours late. I didn't particularly mind. Facing Edward for an extra two hours would have been more than I could handle.

Rather than sticking around, I feigned exhaustion from homework and went to bed. Sleep came quickly and was welcomed with open arms.

On Sunday, I woke up around noon – alone. Turning around, I scanned the room multiple times to find Edward. He wasn't there.

Slightly disappointed, I stood up and walked to the bathroom for some human time. I showered, paying careful attention to washing the salty streaks off my face. Afterwards, I changed into an oversized shirt and some sweats. Comfortable, I plopped down in front of my desk and started with the little homework I had.

When Edward's visiting hours finally arrived, I stared at the door the entire time. He never showed up. Where could he be?

Thoroughly upset, I stalked back upstairs and slumped onto my bed. Unable to keep my mind off of him, I began crying.

Was I really that much of a problem? He must hate me so much now, and he left. I really did ruin everything I had. Couldn't I be happy for once? Couldn't all these problems just go away? Now I really had lost Edward.

The tears continued to flow, but a gentle hand resting itself on my back suddenly interrupted them.

"Bella?" Edward whispered.

I wiped my eyes and turned over to face him. "Where were you?" I asked between sobs.

"I went out hunting. I'm sorry I forget to tell you."

"I thought you left."

He looked offended and gathered me into his arms. I sat there, head against his chest, crying onto his shirt. He held me close and kissed every inch of my body he could reach.

"I'm never leaving, Bella."

I hugged him back as hard as I could. As long as he really was here, I would keep him close.

Eventually, he lied down next to me and sung my lullaby, helping me fall asleep. The weekend was emotionally draining and I wasn't sure if I was ready for school just yet.

--

School on Monday went well. Nobody said anything – not that anyone besides the Cullens knew. This was my little problem, and I was not interested in broadcasting it to the entire student body. The last thing I needed was more drama.

The day ended with a lot of homework. Therefore, I was probably going to be up all night. As it turned out, Edward really is perfect at everything and he helped me with some of the harder assignments while he was over.

That night was spent at least as peacefully as all the others. I showered and got into bed. Edward pulled me into his arms and hummed my lullaby like he did every night. Sleep was forced upon me, as always, but welcomed all the same.

Too bad the tranquility wouldn't last long.


	16. Chapter 15

**This is the fifthteenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Tuesday at lunch, I was subjected to more torture as Alice continued to bounce in her seat, obviously having trouble containing herself.

"What do you want, Alice?" I sighed.

Alice stopped bouncing and opened her mouth to talk. Edward cut in with a low growl and they stared at each other, probably having another mind conversation.

"Don't worry, Edward." I placed a hand on his chest to help relax him.

The growling stopped, but they continued to stare at each other. After a minute, he hung is head and Alice turned to me smiling.

"How is therapy going?"

I groaned. Did she have to remind me? "Fine."

"Your next appointment is today, after school."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot," I muttered sarcastically. "That reminds me. How am I getting away from Charlie this time?"

This time, it was Alice's turn to roll her eyes at me. "He'll be out working," she exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing in the world, throwing her hands in the air.

When she settled back into her seat, she tapped her head and winked at me. Of course they would know and take care of everything. Edward was going to drag me to Nancy's house one way or another.

--

School ended all too soon, and I found myself in the passenger seat of Edward's Volvo much sooner than I would have liked. The ride to Port Angeles was spent in silence. I was pissed at him for taking me to therapy – again. There was no way in the world I still needed to do this. I hated it, it was a waste of my time, and there was no problem anymore.

"What're you thinking?" he asked when we pulled up in front of Nancy's house.

"The best way to end this," I replied. He sighed and got out of the car.

Seconds later, my door was being opened, and Edward's hand was held out for mine. I took it, stepping out. Of course, the garden was the first thing I saw. The entire 'theory' came to mind as I walked towards the front door.

The apple tree, which stood front and center, obviously captured my attention first. According to Edward, the apple represents choice. I, obviously, had no idea what that meant. I mean, what choice did I have?

The small flowers around it were the many different people. I figured I was much like one of those flowers at the moment – small and insignificant. The rose, which Edward said means love and beauty, was certainly him, despite his belief that those things were I. He was just too perfect. There was no way a small flower could compare to the beautiful roses in the background.

Finally, the vine shows my paths. But I couldn't see that much either. I was just an average person. How could my life be so beautiful and creative?

The last stones were just a few inches apart. They led us to a few feet of concrete, which brought us to the front door. Edward pushed the button and the ringing sound went off."Hello," Nancy smiled at us. "Come in."

Today she was wearing a bright red dress with sparkly, red flats. The outfit reminded me of a cross between Little Red Riding Hood, and Dorothy from 'The Wizard of Oz.'

We all sat down in the same positions as last time, and Nancy looked over her notes. After a few minutes, she began.

"Bella. You said that you thought nothing was wrong anymore. Has anything happened since Saturday?"

_Oh yes! Edward forgot to tell me he was going hunting, and I cried, thinking he'd left me again. Then I had tons of homework on Monday and Edward had to show off his intelligence. Finally, today my friend, Alice, decided to mention my appointment. And since then, I've been really pissed off._

"No," I stated simply.

"I see. Well, in the other times – why do you think you did it?"

_I don't know. It just kind of happens._

"I guess when I'm thinking."

"Interesting. And what do you think about?"

_Edward. When he left, when I was alone. Jacob._

I shrugged. "Edward. Jacob."


	17. Chapter 16

**This is the sixteenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

"Exactly what about Edward and Jacob do you think about?"

I looked around the room again, trying to collect my thoughts, and locked eyes with the owl. At the same time, Edward squeezed me closer to his body.

This was the moment I wish I could stay lost in. How could anything be better than this simple perfection? Wrapped in two, strong, comforting arms, I was content. Watching such a beautiful creature as the owl, I was mesmerized.

But alas, I could not. Instead, I had to submit myself to the hour of torture named 'therapy.' **(A/N: Yes, it truly is torture. I will NEVER cut again just to escape therapy.**

**(Read the following speech however you want. I'm not going to say if its monotonous or sob-filled. Read her words however you wish because we're all going to react differently; and some of the reason for this story is for you to understand cutting. So take it slow and absorb the words in your mind how you think they are being said.**

**Also, despite this being based on my experience, I got the idea from a book, and I didn't have Edward. So read this knowing it's based on my emotions and thoughts.)**

"I remember the day Edward left. We were in the woods. And we talked. Then he was gone, his family was gone – I was alone. A hole in my body formed from his absence. Without him, I wasn't complete.

"Then I overheard some students from school talking about cutting. I decided to see if it worked. And it did – for a while. But then I cried again and decided to cut again. So it became a need rather than an experiment.

"But it's okay because the cut was just a visual. I was able to see the hole in my body bleeding and healing. To believe I was getting better helped a bit. I never intended to kill myself. I think.

"Months later, I became closer to Jacob. He was my sun. I was happier with him. Yet I still wasn't completely healed. Edward was gone and I can't live without him. Jacob was just there to help.

"Obviously, Edward's back now. But the memory still hurts. Every time I see or think about Jacob, all those terrible months come to mind. I'm always afraid Edward's going to leave again. Everything I have, I ruin. Including his love. How could Edward, or any one, care for me after seeing how bad things have become? I don't deserve happiness anymore.

"At the same time, he says he won't leave. And I believe him. So I don't know what the problem is anymore. However, I know for sure it's not Edward's fault."

The room was silent for a few minutes while we all digested what I had just said. At some time during my speech, I was turned to face Edward. He took the quiet moments as a chance to crush me into a loving hug and smother my forehead in kisses. I felt much better in his embrace.

"I love you, you know?" Edward whispered, eventually breaking the silence.

"I do," I managed to respond.

The room was silent again until Nancy decided to speak up.

"I think that's plenty for today. I'll see you on Saturday. Okay?"

I nodded my head and Edward helped me stand up. Exhausted from everything we had gone through today, I stumbled on my way out the door.

Nancy's waving figure smiled at us as we drove off. The ride back to Forks was silent – as always. I wondered what Edward was thinking, but I was too tired to ask.

Once at home, I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. Homework and a shower could wait. Edward came through the window and lied down to me just seconds later.

"I love you, Bella. I'm not leaving," he said, stroking my hair.

I rolled over and curled up next to his figure. The scars and cuts continuously burned since my speech, and the cold numbed the pain. It was soothing to have Edward so close.

"Go to sleep, love."

My lullaby filled the room shortly after the words. I lied still, waiting for unconsciousness to come. Minutes later, the bliss of sleep overtook my world.


	18. Chapter 17

**This is the seventeenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Wednesday at school was boring. Again. I spent all day with either Alice or Edward and no time thinking about the horror of yesterday afternoon. It was all but forgotten by the end of period six.

For the first time this school year, Alice rode home with Edward and me. Since Charlie was forever grateful for her help during my last major injury, she was welcome to stay. And took the invitation.

With her help, homework went fast. Afterwards, Alice insisted on dressing me up for dinner. I didn't understand why, but eventually fell for her usual sob story. After an hour of work, I was dressed in a v-neck, two-inch sleeve, blue dress with a shiny sash across the waist and the same fabric across the bottom. A pair of pointy, white flats was placed on my feet. My face was covered in midnight blue eye shadow, starry eyed eyeliner, bright red lipstick and some light pink lip gloss. At least Alice had left most of my hair down, pinning just a few pieces up and back. **(A/N: Outfit can be found at www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id3548733)**

I was looking at myself in the mirror. Despite the nice clothes, make-up, and hair-do, I was still boring ole Bella. Seconds into my examination, the door bell rang and I stumbled backwards onto the chair I occupied moments prior, startled. Thank goodness for the interruption.

Alice bounded out the bathroom door and down the stairs. I followed as fast as I could, eager to see Edward after the long day. Charlie was watching his game and ignoring Edward – as usual.

The door opened, revealing a grinning Edward holding bags. He stepped inside and wrapped his unoccupied arm around me.

"Have fun with Alice?" he asked as we followed her into the kitchen.

"It was dreadful." I shuddered at the thought.

He chuckled and led me to the table. The bags were set on the counter and I was seated in a chair by Edward's command. Seconds later, a plate full of mushroom ravioli was set in front of me.

"What about Charlie's dinner?"

"Alice is serving him," Edward said as he sat down across from me. "Tonight is about you."

"So why did you let Alice put me through an hour of this?" I gestured vaguely at my face and outfit.

He shrugged. "I thought it would be a nice change. Plus, Alice wanted to spend some time with you."

I opened my mouth to respond, but he held up a hand to stop me and pointed at my food.

"Eat, Bella."

I stared at him for a moment, disappointed he didn't want to listen, and then looked down at my plate. The mushroom ravioli looked delicious, so I took a bite. After a few more mouthfuls, I found I was hungrier than I thought, and finished dinner quickly. Nobody spoke up the entire time.

After dinner, Edward took Alice home. While I waited for his return, I showered and changed into pajamas. By the time I was done, Edward was already sprawled across my bed. He looked stunning – like a model. With his eyes closed, I could have believed he was sleeping peacefully.

His arms opened, welcoming me, and I took the invitation greedily. Once I was settled in the bed, he started humming my lullaby.

"I love you, Bella," Edward murmured, just before I fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 18

**This is the eighteenth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Despite my having almost every period with Edward, Alice showed up to walk with us between every class. After school, she rode home with us - again, and stayed over. This time, however, she didn't insist on Bella-Barbie – much to my pleasure – and Edward did not show up when his visiting hours came – much to my dismay.

"Alice, why didn't Edward come?" I whispered as we walked down stairs for dinner.

She bounded into the kitchen and made two plates of food before answering. "Because it's my turn to spend time with you! Here is your dinner. Let me take the other plate to Charlie. Be right back!"

Alice walked back out the kitchen doorway with a plate full of food and I sat down quietly, listening.

"Thank you, Alice," Charlie said.

"Anytime! It's just so nice to spend time with Bella."

"Okay. You two finish up, though. It's getting late and you should get home before your parents worry too much."

"Sure thing."

She came back in the kitchen and I rushed to take a bite to cover up the fact I was listening.

"I'm going to go now. Okay?"

"Kay, Alice."

"See ya tomorrow!" Alice waved as she stepped out the door.

I finished my dinner and put the dishes away. Without bothering Charlie, I made my way upstairs and decided to shower. Once free of my clothes, I stepped into the stream of water and tried to relax.

Edward spent so little time with me today. I really missed him. Instead, Alice took up my entire day, filling it with talk and homework.

What if Edward really was leaving? And these last two days, he was busy packing? Was I really that much of a problem?

I don't think I could bear losing him again. All those months alone were spent in a depressed, zombie-like state. By the time Edward came back, I was suicidal – not because of the cutting. How could I survive without him?

Tears began to fall and I reached for the razor. My vision was blurry, but I managed to grasp the handle and bring it to my arm without unnecessary injury. Blindly, I broke the skin and felt the crimson blood pour out.

The pain filled my body and mind. With it came the hole in my body from Edward's absence, doubling the feeling.

When the cut scabbed over, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Slowly, I dressed and walked to my room. All I wanted now was to collapse in bed and lose consciousness. As I waited for sleep, I wished for Edward to come back. His leave would likely end up being tragic.

Seconds after my silent wish, a cold hand wrapped around my new, burning cut. I sighed in relief.

"Bella," a pained, angelic voice whispered inches from my ear.

I groaned and turned on my side, careful to leave the burning cut in the cold hand. A sad-looking Edward filled my view.

"What were you think about?" he asked, slightly more composed.

"I was spending all my time with Alice; I thought you were getting ready to leave again. You didn't show up today."

"Bella," he whispered harshly. "I'm not leaving. I promise. It's just – you mentioned my family leaving and you missed them as well. I just wanted to let you spend time with Alice. That way you know none of us will leave. Plus, Charlie only allows me during "visitor hours" and I wanted you to always have someone with you. I am so sorry, Bella. It seems everything I do is wrong."

"It's okay, Edward," I said, reaching out with my right hand to touch his cheek.

He turned his head and kissed my palm before slipping onto the bed next to me. His arms wrapped around my body, never letting go of the fresh cut.


	20. Chapter 19

We're gonna try something different for this disclaimer, etc. (I found this on: /s/4305321/8/LoveisBlind and loved it!) This is the nineteenth chapter to my fourteenth story.

A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in between the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**The Beta: Twilight-is-Lovee – Defending the story from grammar/spelling errors while still maintaining her super hero status!**

**The Writer: Jamillia – Me, writing this story from experience.**

**The Reviewers/Readers – YOU! I love you and you make me so happy. I update every day (even though I have to write during Algebra 2 class) because I love you all so much.**

_Bella's POV:_

"Hey! Where's Alice?" I asked as I met Edward by the passenger side of his Volvo.

"She won't be riding with us today," he stated as if it were no big deal. "Today is all about you and me."

Little did I know, he wasn't lying a single bit.

The drive to school was slower than usual and he watched me the entire time. When I asked about the change in behavior, he said it was because he wanted to see me as much as possible, and school could wait. I chuckled inwardly, pleased but embarrassed by the new attention.

At school, I was escorted to every class and seen to my seat. Edward would carry my books, pull out my chair, push me in, get out my supplies, and cater to any and everything I could possibly need. The stares I was getting from everybody made me a bit insecure. The glares from Mike were laughable.

During lunch, I was seated at a table to myself and Edward rushed to buy one of everything for us. Of course, I knew he wasn't going to eat anything, so it only made the attention worse.

After school, Edward drove slowly again and I figured if I asked it would be the same reason as this morning. When we did reach the house, his beautiful honey-colored eyes held mine. Unable to turn away, I just sat in the car dumbly for a while until he came around to open my door. I was walked inside and kissed goodbye.

Overwhelmed by the newfound attention, I dragged myself up to my room and lied down for a break. After a quick nap, I managed to pull myself together and finish homework. When visiting hours arrived, Edward didn't miss a beat in ringing the bell.

Despite the long day, I was excited to see him and practically fell on my way downstairs. A grinning, messy bronze-haired, pale face greeted me, pulling me into a strong embrace. I breathed in deeply, wanting to take in as much as I could, including the delicious scent surrounding me.

We cuddled on the couch, wrapped in each other's arms, watching the TV. but not really understanding what was going on. Today was pleasant, yet horribly embarrassing at the same time. Sitting here, together, just us, was the best thing in the world – enjoying his comforting embrace, smiling up at his beautiful face, breathing in his delicious scent.

As Charlie walked in the door after a long day, Edward stepped out in an effort not to cause any trouble. I walked up to my room, a bit disappointed. Charlie said goodnight, and I waved dismissively, not even bothering to turn around.

I dug through a stack of clothes, locating some pajamas to wear after my shower. On my way out of the room, I grabbed the bag of toiletries. As I reached for the knob, two cold arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me backward. A split second later, feather-light kisses were placed on my neck.

"Edward! Let me shower first," I complained with fake-annoyance.

He chuckled into my neck and reluctantly let go a second later.

I turned to give him a smile and walked out of the room. When I reached the bathroom, I turned on the water and removed my clothes as quickly as possible, hopping in the shower with just force that I slipped and hit my butt on the tiled floor.

Despite the accident, I rushed to finish my shower. The only thought that filled my head was Edward – sitting in my room, laying on the bed – his perfect, sculpted body stretched out on the covers with a button-up shirt revealing just enough.

With the happy thoughts buzzing around, I finished washing in record time. Carefully this time, I stepped out of the shower. Once I was sure I had my balance, I dried off and changed as quickly as I dared, practically running back to my room with my hair still wet.

I stood in the doorway, bent over, catching my breath. When I looked up to see Edward, he was smiling a beautiful crooked smile and lying just as I had imagined.

One eye opened, and the other followed a second later. He watched me, and when I stepped forward, he sat up and opened his arms welcomingly.

"I wouldn't want you to catch pneumonia tonight," he whispered into my hair, moving to place me on the bed next to him. Once I was situated, he stood and grabbed the brush out of my bag.

With careful, calculating strokes he brushed out my hair. By the time he was finished a few minutes later, I reached back and found my hair was smooth as silk, soft as cotton, and knot-free. How had he done that? I couldn't care less, and decided lying in bed next to my personal Adonis was more important.

Under the covers, I adjusted myself until I was comfortable and then relaxed into Edward's embrace. No matter how long the day had been, how long I had known him, how long I had sat with him, I could and would never get enough of him. Edward was simply the most perfect being in the world.

"I love you, Bella," he murmured.

"I love you, too, Edward."

My eyelids fell, and despite the desire to see Edward's face one more time before sleep, a sweet lullaby filled the air around me and sleep came.

**(A/N: How is that for getting Edward?)**

**Sorry for not getting the chapter to you yesterday like I was supposed to. It got written late, but I promise to get you the next chapter today so we are on schedule.**


	21. Chapter 20

**This is the twentieth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Charlie was at work for an entire day, so the house was empty except for Edward and me.

We hung out all morning and into the afternoon. Activities included talking, reading, watching TV, and my breakfast and lunch.

When time came to head over to Nancy's, I changed quickly. For once, going wasn't completely dreadful. I had Edward and only happy thoughts filling my mind. These last two days had been amazing.

The ride to Port Angeles certainly reflected the happy mood. Edward, who had hunted during my two days with Alice, continued to talk and joke lightly about life. I was smiling and laughing practically the entire way. Barely a thought about Nancy registered.

Edward pulled over and parked right in front of Nancy's house. One glance brought an onslaught of painful memories. Regardless, I stepped out of the car and took the dreaded walk through the garden.

Nancy opened the door mere seconds after the bell rang and we walked inside, taking our usual seats. The room was silent for a minute or two as we stared at each other.

"How is your relationship going?" Nancy began, breaking the awkward silence.

I opened my mouth, ready to explain the last few days, but nothing came out. Everything was practically irrelevant after Edward and I talked about it.

When she noticed I wasn't going to speak, her gaze flicked to Edward, expecting him to explain.

"We had a bit of a mix-up after the last session, but everything is cleared up. We talked about it." He held me closer as he finished. I knew he would always regret his mistake and would try to make it up to me despite my claim it was fine.

"Okay. That's good." She smiled at me. It was a fake smile, and I smirked back. "What about Jacob?"

Great! I knew this would come up. Why did therapists have to take notes? I wouldn't mind if she forgot a thing here or there and didn't mention it. But, no…. she just had to bring it up.

Jacob was a touchy subject. I knew I would never be able to get through this again. After all, I had cried every other time.

As tears began to form in my eyes, clouding my vision, I worked hard to focus on something else; anything else to escape the painful thoughts. The first thing just happened to be the garden. All too willing to escape the conversation at hand, I focused on the theory Edward shared with me weeks ago.

The apple, which represented the "knowledge of good and evil," could represent exactly what I should have known all along. It was Edward, Jacob, and everything happening. I was never lost or confused, I just needed to open my eyes and accept what was happening. Seeing the garden, coming to therapy – it was all for me, to help me understand.

And I was a little flower – a small, little flower around the tree. I wasn't able to understand what had been right in front of me; I was unenlightened, missing some sort of knowledge that would explain everything to me. Now, I finally had it. I finally understood.

Now, I was a rose. A beautiful, fresh, tall, amazing rose. And Edward, my 'love and beauty' was standing, or more appropriately – sitting, right next to me. I had finally found who I was and where I was going.

The bright green vine was my path, just like Edward had interpreted it. Sure it was full of dead-ends, namely Jacob, but I would find the end – supposedly. Perhaps the path wasn't as steady as previously thought. I suppose nobody really had a steady way to walk. Life is full of choices, and this was one of them.

Sitting here, in this 'brown room,' I had a choice. I could choose one way and cry. That would lead me further along what would ultimately be a dead end. Or, I could give up. I could find a way out of this and keep moving forward.

Yet, at the same time, maybe there was a third way, a middle route of sorts. The apple, after all, was knowledge. And if eating the apple brought me here, perhaps I had a choice in what happened next. I didn't have to be sad over the last few months, but I didn't have to forget something either. My choice now, was to be strong and stand tall, or give up and continue crying over what had happened.

I blinked back the tears and found it easier to hide the pain than I thought. "Jacob is my friend," I said confidently. Perhaps I wasn't hiding the pain. Perhaps I was merely accepting it and willing myself to see a different side to things.

Edward kissed my head before getting up, and Nancy smiled at me. I was proud of myself, and grinned back.

"See you on Tuesday," Nancy said as we walked out the door.

**Just to let you know (based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline):**

**Ch. 20 takes place on Saturday, April 20****th****.**

**Eclipse starts on Tuesday (should be Monday), May 14****th****.**

**School Finals are June 7****th****.**

**Also, I would like to say, despite the confusing things in this story, EVERYTHING is laid out and hinted on. Some things are really vague and you won't get the fact they were foreshadowed, and some things should be incredibly obvious and you should be thinking 'DUH! We all knew that was going to going to happen.' So, if anything is bothering you, just ask, and I will explain without ruining the story too much – I promise.**


	22. Chapter 21

**This is the twenty-first chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

When we arrived home Saturday, I felt very confident in myself. As a result, I ended up talking to Edward about my embarrassment over the attention. After that, he smothered me in kisses, apologizing between every one. And how could you not forgive that?

Sunday was spent peacefully. We lounged around the house, enjoying each other's company while Charlie was away fishing. Edward was the absolute best – cooing, snuggling, and just being there. I felt blessed to have such an amazing, beautiful angel next to me.

When Monday came around, Edward made sure to keep the love and adoration to a moderate level. Of course, I should've known better than to assume I was in the clear. The second we stopped in the driveway, he was on my side of the car, picking me up and carrying me inside, spinning around the room.

Charlie was working late today and I figured now was as good a time as any to share Saturdays revelation.

"Edward," I whispered on, at least, the third spin.

"Yes?" He stopped abruptly and looked down at me.

I took a minute, waiting for the room to stop spinning as well. All the while, Edward stared patiently.

"Can we go sit down?" I managed when everything was just a bit tipsy.

"Of course, love." He walked over to the couch, sitting down and placing me on his lap. "What did you want to talk about?"

"How did you know I wanted to talk? Maybe I just wanted to stop spinning," I said, an edge of annoyance in my voice. Did he have to know everything?

A crooked smile appeared on his face, melting away the anger. He shrugged, dismissing my petty assault.

Forgetting why I was annoyed in the first place, I continued with my previous line of thought. "Saturday – I understood the garden."

He nodded once, waiting for me to continue.

"You said I was a little flower, right? And the apple represents the knowledge of good and evil, right?"

He nodded again.

"Well, the knowledge is just how you perceive things. I was never lost of confused… I just needed to see things a different way."

He smiled at me, but remained quiet so I could finish the thought.

"Now I understand. So I'm a rose. And the vine is my path, just like you said. And all the winding roads and dead-ends are choices. So you, and Jacob, and everything these last few months is all just another choice. Not bad, or good, but an obstacle to overcome."

Ever so gently, he bent down and kissed my forehead. "I love you," he said against my skin.

I smiled, though he probably didn't see it, and finished up. "My choice is to cry and dwell on the memory, or to find a different way to look at it."

"And what have you decided?" he said, keeping his lips against my forehead.

The sweet breath from his words fanned over my face, temporarily causing all thoughts to disappear. Nothing mattered but Edward and me for a split second – and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

"Jacob is my friend, and a reminder, but he doesn't have to be negative. It was a mistake, and everything is better now – right?

"Of course, love. I won't leave again."

I smiled, choosing this time to remain in my conscious, blissful state. Nothing could be more important than sitting on the couch with Edward. He wasn't leaving, and the months in the past were behind us.

"Just one more thing, though." He pulled away, calling my attention back to the conversation. "We still don't know what the stepping stones mean when you're done with therapy."

I thought about it for a minute, and decided it really didn't matter right now. Pulling Edward back down, I relaxed, forgetting once again.


	23. Chapter 22

**This is the twenty-second chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Tuesday was much the same as Monday. Edward remained moderate with the attention – though it was obviously causing him great strain – and I got to spend some time with Alice.

Now I was in far better condition, I wanted to see Emmett, Jasper, and even Rosalie – but I knew it would be pushing my luck with Edward. I also hoped to see Esme and Carlisle. I didn't want them worrying too much.

Instead, I focused on enjoying my day. After all, once school ended, I would have to face therapy… again. I grimaced and it did not go unseen.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward asked, urgency laced into his voice. His eyes scanned the room for danger, not even attempting to be sneaky. At the same time, he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer.

This time, I sighed. If I didn't speak up soon, Edward would probably attack the first guy looking, or even thinking about me. "It's okay. Just deciding on the best way to escape today's session."

He relaxed physically, releasing me from my squished position. I was pleased, even though his eyes were still wandering.

The rest of the day went much like that. Edward would not let any distance more than a foot to come between us. At the same time, nobody else was allowed within that foot – not even Alice.

Two periods later, Edward was still on high alert – practically carrying me to the car. I was settled in and he drove off as fast as was possible without drawing suspicion. Only half way to Port Angeles did he finally relax completely. I laughed at his over-the-top reaction to my simple grimace.

"What?" He sounded thoroughly confused.

"Nothing. Just your reaction."

He shook his head, muttering something about "unrealistic" and stopped the car. A glance out the window told me more than enough. We were here.

Edward half-carried me to the door but let me walk myself inside. At least my legs wouldn't completely turn to jelly. At the rate today was going, I was almost sure they would.

"How is the… cutting coming along?" Nancy asked pleasantly, smiling at me in today's red dress with black belt and rim.

"I don't cut anymore," I said, crossing my arms and leaning back into Edward's welcoming embrace.

"Oh? And what made you decide that?"

"I don't have to. It's not a bad memory anymore."

"Well, that's nice. Do you have any future plans now that you're over this?"

I turned around a bit, wanting to be able to see Edward while I spoke. "Yeah. I want to live with Edward for the rest of my existence."

His eyes glistened, too quickly for me to catch what it was he thought. "We are going to finish school and get married first, of course," Edward clarified.

"That's nice," Nancy said, nodding her head absently.

As I turned back around, the owl caught my eye again. The pearl-spotted owlet always seemed so significant to me. I just couldn't understand what made it stand out. Sure, it could be related to humans, but why was it so particularly unique in my eye. Certainly some of the other objects in the room could be related the same way.

I stared into the golden-yellow eyes, wishing its thoughts could be read. Of course, that was silly. The bird was dead, if it was ever alive, and definitely did not think at the current moment, regardless of its past.

After a seemingly infinite amount of time, everything clicked in my mind. The color of the feathers was much like the color of my own chocolate brown hair against my pale skin. Perhaps even a paler color if it were possible; maybe even the same shade as Edward's skin.

In addition, the breeding pattern and range fit in closely with my own. I hadn't exactly been intimate yet, but being human, it would end up much the same. Also, the meadow, which was easily my favorite place, matched very closely to the owl's preferred habitat.

Those eyes were so much like Edward's and all his family. The color was much different from that of a normal owl, or so I was told. They were the beautiful liquid topaz that made up the 'vegetarian' vampires' eyes after hunting.

Everything fit together so perfectly. The owl was my future.

And now that I had my path, the vine, and the knowledge from the apple, I could make it. I just needed to convince everybody else it was the right way.

**This is a lot like what happened to me. When I finally figured out what I needed to escape the pain, I tried to convince my parents and therapist. But, it didn't exactly work out as well as I hoped. I was actually stuck in therapy for six weeks, depressed because it had become my memory, while I was living exactly what I knew would help. So, that sucked, but when I finally worked up the courage to say I was depressed only when going to therapy, Nancy… worked it out for me. LOL!**

**The moral of this chapter is: you should ALWAYS ask. Because that's the only way you're going to get help. Get over your fear and speak up. Sure, you might get beaten down for interrupting or something, but your teachers, friends, etc. will help you out. I've proven it countless times. Head my advice and speak up.**

**And if you need some one to consult first, I'm here.**


	24. Chapter 23

**This is the twenty-third chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

Now that I understood the owl and had a clear idea of my future, I was ecstatic. No longer did I have to dwell in the past. Instead, I could thoroughly enjoy Edward's company without fear of reminder. I simply wouldn't let my thoughts get to me…

Except the thought of the owl. It finally made sense and I wasn't letting go of the epiphany.

"Edward!" I exclaimed, dancing around the room, not caring he was watching.

He grabbed my waist and pulled me to the couch. I gasped in shock at the sudden change in direction.

"Yes, love?" he said calmly, plopping down onto a cushion and placing me on his lap.

He stroked my hair gently and I calmed down quickly. Simply being next to him had an amazing effect on me. The deep, golden color of his eyes stunned me into silence. The paleness of his skin, framed with his messy bed-head hair, was breathtakingly beautiful.

"Edward," I breathed, trying to hold onto the last bit thoughts – other than him – in my mind. "The owl… it's me."

He smiled at me, nodding his head. I swooned at the amazing sight of his crooked smile, and his bronze hair swaying back and forth.

That was my cue to continue, but I had to look away if I wanted to keep my thoughts straight. Therefore, I stared at the black screen of the TV.

"The owl is just like me. When I'm a vampire, of course. The eyes, and the feathers, and everything else," I said in a rush. Then, I paused and sat quietly for a while. I wanted to hear Edward's opinion before continuing. However, there was no way I could look at him. I had already said plenty and he probably thought I was crazy. How could the owl be me?

After a minute of silence, he spoke up. "What about the habitat? It's not like we can live in the Sahara easily."

I turned to face him now. After all, the meadow was something I wanted to gauge his reaction to. If he didn't think I was crazy now, would he think so after I confessed that to him?

His golden-yellow eyes showed nothing but love and curiosity. Even better, he was not rejecting my change. The acceptance brought comfort and I was no longer shy in continuing my explanation.

"The owl likes semi-woodland or open savannah. I figured our meadow was a good example of that."

He nodded again and hugged me closer. "I love you," he murmured into my hair.

The tone for the rest of the day was solemn. We didn't say or do much – not that more was needed.

Thursday also had a sad underlying tone. After yesterday's little speech, we were both very quiet. I don't think I scared him away, but just gave him something to think about. At least, I hoped. Furthermore, I was quiet because of everything I'd said and done. Sure, we just sat there and I explained the owl to him, but it felt like a burden now. Like I was trying to live up to something or running away from something.

The day dragged on, practically blending in with Friday. There really didn't seem to be much end to the quietness filling the air around Edward and me.

I stepped into the bathroom on Friday night, stripping and turning on the water for my shower. Charlie was out watching a game, and would be staying at La Push to go fishing tomorrow. Edward was in my room, but I needed a break after the long week to officially wind down just before –

I had another appointment tomorrow. So much for relaxing! Why, after I had finally managed to get over the pain, did I have to go back to the one final reminder?

I reached for the razor and pulled it to my arm. Just holding it there wasn't enough though.

_One more time._ I needed the release.

Crimson blood poured out of the thin wound, giving me a much needed visual for the healing of the hole in my body.

Once the cut healed over, I dressed myself in my pajamas and walked back into the bedroom. Edward was on the phone, but clicked it shut the moment he saw me. His eyes were pained, though a little glimmer of hope shown through. Despite that, I still felt heartbroken for hurting him at all.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me under the covers. One hand held me together as I used to when the hole opened up. The other softly stroked the length of the new cut.

I fell asleep that night to the sound of my lullaby.


	25. Chapter 24

**This is the twenty-fourth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

I slept in Saturday, happy to escape the pain of consciousness. The new cut didn't burn all night, complying with my silent wish.

When I did awake, two hours before noon, the bright smile on Edward's lips greeted my eyes. Before he could say a word, though, I smashed my lips to his and took advantage of his willingness. Just as I ran out of breath, he pulled away, with that gorgeous smile still intact.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked, smiling back.

"Nothing," he stated calmly, working to keep the grin off his face.

After a long pause, in which I tried unsuccessfully to stare him into telling, Edward spoke up again. "I'll make you breakfast while you have some human time."

I pouted a bit in one last effort to get him to tell. Earning no response but the smirk on his face, I gave up and stalked toward the bathroom.

What I needed was a nice shower after last night. I turned on the water and stripped. With my body exposed, I lightly traced the cut from just hours ago. It burned at the touch, but it was tolerable.

I relaxed into the water, washing away all the painful memories as best as I could. Feeling the hair on my calves, I reached for the razor to shave. Absentmindedly, I began removing the course hair.

Mere moments later, Edward appeared, towel in hand, and gathered me up. He sat down with me in his lap, much like the first night.

I looked down to see what had startled him. There, on my left leg, was a deep wound, bleeding freely onto my calf. I practically puked from the sight. Thankfully, a bit of steam was still rising through the air.

"I didn't mean to," I said as tears began to form in my eyes.

"Of course not. I believe you. Please don't cry."

With all my strength, I held the tears back. Then a fresh wave came as the cut began to sting.

"It hurts, Edward," I whimpered.

Silently, he picked me up and carried me to bed. I was placed under the covers with my left leg hanging out.

"Be right back," he murmured, kissing my forehead.

A second later he was next to my wound, dabbing it with a soft, wet towel. When the excess blood was gone, he placed some Neosporin on the cut and wrapped a band-aid over it.

"I know you hate needles, but you needed some kind of antiseptic," he said, squeezing my knee gently.

I nodded.

Edward sat cross-legged on the floor by my side after tucking my left leg under the covers. Instead of the smile he wore this morning, concern leaked onto all of his features.

"Will you lay next to me?" I asked, trying to seize the moment for some intimacy as well as make him happy again.

To both my approval and dismay, he crawled onto the bed next to me, resting on top of the covers. I snuggled against his chest and he wrapped his strong arms around me.

"Will you tell me why you were so happy this morning?" I inquired, hoping his smile would return.

"Alice had a vision."

I nodded encouragingly, hoping to get it all out of him.

"That was your last cut," he whispered almost too softly for me.

Stunned into silence. I closed my eyes ad wished myself back to sleep. All the different emotions running through me were confusing.

**Was that good, or what??**


	26. Chapter 25

**This is the twenty-fifth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

_The blood seeped out of the cut quickly. With every drop came a new wave of pain. I dropped the razor and covered the wound, trying to stop the pain._

_The hole was open and Edward was gone again. He really wasn't coming back. I had caused too much trouble to be worth it._

_Pain filled my body, engulfing me with fire. My arm burned, my stomach burned, my leg burned._

_Crimson liquid drowned my body. I would not survive this time._

I bolted upright, my heart racing.

First, I checked my arm. The cut from last night was scabbed over and no longer burned.

Next, I pulled the covers off my body to examine my leg. It was just another few inches of scab and did not hurt much.

Content with my current physical state, I checked to se if Edward was still around. My dream could still come true.

He sat just a foot away, still on the bed, watching me intently. His head was cocked to the side and his eyes glowed with love and curiosity. The wonderful, bronze hair framed his face, while retaining its messy status.

All the emotions form last night, and more, ran through me. Relief for Edward's company, sadness for causing him trouble, hate for having to return to Nancy, and anxiety. What was coming next?

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, pulling me into his arms.

"Just a bad dream." I squirmed a bit, trying to get closer.

"Would you like to go out to lunch?"

Since it was almost noon, and Charlie wouldn't be back for three more hours, I agreed. Getting out of the house might be nice.

We went to a cheesy pizza place. Despite my rejection, he ended up buying me one of everything on the menu. With barbecue wings, breadsticks, jalapeño poppers, pasta and multiple slices of pizza with various toppings, I sat down to eat… with only a 'vegetarian' vampire to share all the food with.

I scowled at him, but he smiled sweetly, waiting for me to begin. I gave up after a minute, unable to stay mad much longer. He continued smiling.

Edward began talking as I took my second bite. "The family misses you, Bella. Would you like to talk with them again? You don't have to. They won't mind."

I chewed my second bite double time in an effort to answer quickly. "Of course I want to!"

"Good." He grinned, eyes sparkling.

Lunch ended quickly and we took home the extra food for dinner. Charlie walked in the door ten minutes after us – to no one's surprise. The always-alert Edward heard his 'voice' minutes early.

"Hey, Bells! How was your day?"

"Fine," I said monotonously, walking up the stairs. The only thing on my mind right now was getting back to bed.

I showered quickly and stepped into my room, finding Edward lying on the bed. I crawled up next to him and breathed in his scent. It was intoxicating. The notes of my lullaby filled the room around me and I fell asleep easily.

Monday came quickly, but I didn't mind school too much. When the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, Edward, Alice, and I walked out to the others. They were gathered around Rosalie's convertible in the school lot.

"Hey, Bella!" Emmett shouted, pulling me into a hug.

I heard Alice laugh behind me, and scowled even though she wouldn't see.

When I was finally put down, Edward wrapped me in his arms so I wouldn't have to go through that again.

"How was your day?" Jasper asked, Alice next to him.

"Okay."

He gave me a brief smile and I saw Rosalie do the same from her spot next to Emmett. Glad to be accepted, I smiled back.

Edward let out a soft growl right next to my ear. I scanned the faces of those in front of me, and found Alice having a vision.

A second later, I was being dragged off towards the car. Clearly it was something Edward did not want me to know.

"Bye, Bella!" Emmett called, waving his hands wildly in the air.

All the happiness from him was becoming contagious – or Jasper was taking over. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I was with Edward now, alone, again. The rest of Monday was pleasant full of nothing but enjoying his company.

**ALERT! ALERT!**

**If you want Edward's POV on any chapter, I'll be happy to write it. Just review or PM me with the Chapter number. HOWEVER, I am starting a story with Twilight-is-Lovee soon, and so I will only be doing three chapters of 'Cutting' in Edward's POV. The first one requested and the two most requested after that will be done. Submit as many as you like! (As far as the 'first one requested' goes, only one per person – so make your first choice the one you want the most. All other submission will be counted in the 'two most requested.')**


	27. Chapter 26

**This is the twenty-sixth chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

I stepped in the door and sat down on the couch. The room looked the same as always – brown. The owl stared at me, and I stared back, knowing it was my future. I had something to look forward to at the end of this journey. I would spend eternity with Edward.

He sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around my stomach. I leaned back into his chest, enjoying his company, and waited for Nancy to speak.

"Why don't we just pick up where we left off, alright?"

I nodded my head absently, already wishing to be out of this torture-room.

"So, you said you are done cutting. Is that right?"

I nodded again without removing my eyes from the owl. It had all of my attention.

"And you two are still set in your future?"

This time I felt Edward nod his head as well. I smiled briefly; happy he really had accepted the eternity we would share.

"Have you worked out any more details?"

Finally, I turned to face Nancy. She smiled at me, wearing the blue, polka-dotted dress from the first time. Her face was plain and natural, her hair flowed down around her face, and her legs were crossed, showing off some black, one-inch heals.

"I'm... not really. We're just going to see what happens, I guess."

She nodded quietly, still smiling. She wanted me to continue. What else was there to say?

"This is… not working out. I hate remembering what happened. And this is the last place I have to. I hate coming here. I hate having to think about it. I'm sorry."

I bowed my head, ashamed of my sudden outbreak. I figured Nancy probably took it to heart and I didn't want her to feel it was her fault. I just couldn't take it.

Sitting in this room sat memories of the last month; listening to Alice and Edward explain what happened, having to explain what happened in my own words, remembering Jacob, and making the choice that would be the rest of my life.

"There is nothing to be sorry about. I don't believe in fostering life-long dependency, and it's good that you have a future thought out. I'm glad to hear you have some one to share it with and that you are ready to put what happened in the past. Although that may not be the best thing, it's certainly a start. You have to be willing to accept what happened and move on. And it looks like you have. I'm sure you will be fine."

She spoke so formally. It was like being lectured on what is right and wrong. Not that I was complaining – it gave me plenty of time to watch the owl again.

The brown feathers sported speckles of white. It was such a beautiful creature. I thought back to my analogy. Would I be just as beautiful?

"Perhaps we should have one more meeting… just to be sure. Is that fine with everybody?"

I nodded my head vigorously, already pleased with the thought of having to come back just one last time. The end was in sight. I really could forget. My life would be spent with Edward, and I wouldn't have to worry about any of this.

--

In the car, Edward leaned into his seat and turned his head a bit to face me. His gorgeous, honey eyes conveyed love and affection. I was lost in his gaze, enjoying the serenity, when he broke the silence.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella." He leaned over and gathered me into a quick hug. His skin on mine sent chills through my body and I hugged him back, intending to keep the feeling as long as I could.

--

The entire ride home, Edward's hand was entwined with mine and he kept his head facing me, studying my features. I was flattered and a bit embarrassed at the same time. Did he really think I was pretty?

All too quickly, we pulled in the driveway and he walked me inside.

"I'll be back soon," he said, kissing me on the cheek before turning to leave.

I watched him go. Even when his car was out of sight, I stared out the window a minute more before heading up to take a shower. It went quickly since I was anxious to see him again.

I walked into my room, dry and changed, ready for bed. Lying down next to Edward, I snuggled up close and he wrapped his arms around me.

"You are so beautiful."

I blushed slightly at his words.

"I love you, Bella." He kissed my forehead and cradled me against his chest. Then he pulled the covers up and tucked me in. My lullaby filled the air around us, laying a thick layer of love. Every few notes, he would kiss my hair again.

I fell into a deep sleep that night. It was the best rest I had had in months. With Edward by my side, eternity looked very good.

**Okay, I know it's only been a month (barely), but it's all the time I had between ****New Moon**** and ****Eclipse****. Hopefully, I partly made up for that by doubling up the sessions. (Usually you go to one a week. Bella went to two.) So… hope you like the story!**


	28. Chapter 27

**This is the twenty-seventh chapter to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

School wasn't too bad for the rest of the week. I talked to Alice and Angela, but tried to avoid Mike and all the others. As Saturday approached, I found I wasn't dreading the meeting with Nancy as much as before. For once, I was looking forward to it. Perhaps knowing it would all be over after today had me excited – but I wouldn't show Edward for fear of what he would think of my reaction. What if he didn't think I was ready to end this?

We stepped in the door for what I prayed would be the last time and sat down on the couch. I looked around the room and stopped at the owl, trying to absorb every little feature. After all, once I walked back out the door, I would never see it again.

"Have you cut since last time? Felt upset? Depressed?"

I shook my head, still watching the owl. I hadn't cut, I hadn't felt sad, or upset, or depressed, or anything…. Just happy. Being with Edward and everybody was nice. I didn't worry about Jacob, or Nancy, or anything….

"Well then… I suppose we really are done. Just needed a few minutes here to be sure. But it seems you are doing well. Therefore, you can leave now. It was nice to meet you."

I pulled my eyes away from the owl to face Nancy. She had her hand outstretched and I shook it. As I turned to hide my face, I scoffed at her words. She thought it was nice to meet me? After everything we had talked about? Yeah right!

We walked outside and I skipped across the lawn, tripping on one of the stones. Thankfully, Edward caught me and set me back on my feet, holding my hand tightly as we finished walking to the car. I was completely focused on him as he drove the car away from the offending house. No longer would I be back here. I would never see the owl or the garden again.

--

I took one step in the door before being picked up and carried up the stairs – much faster than I could have gone as a human. In mere seconds, I was dropped on the bed and a God smiled down at me. I swooned at the sight of his beautiful teeth and unruly hair. Edward was nothing short of amazing. And those yummy shoulders! I could lie here all day and not give a second thought to anything else in the world.

The last real thought outside of our touching bodies was Charlie. He was out fishing today and would not be home until much later tonight. All Saturday was just Edward and I. Perfect!

He fell onto the bed next to me and gathered me back in his arms. I snuggled into his chest, getting as close as I could. If I could crawl inside his body, I surely would.

"So, did you figure out what the garden meant? It must have been hard to miss it on your way out."

I looked up at his face, trying to comprehend what he said. After all, who could think when your own personal Adonis was lying right next to you?

The garden? What did he mean? I had figured out the garden a week ago. And did he really have to joke about my clumsiness? I slapped him lightly.

He moved his arm over to rub the shoulder I hit, a hurt expression on his face. "Ow! That hurt."

He smiled at me again and I squinted my eyes, pissed he would continue to joke about me.

And then I figured it out. He meant the garden at the end of therapy. I hadn't really thought about that. "No… I didn't really think about it. Just being out of there was the only thought I had. I was kind of sick of therapy."

He didn't smile or frown, or really react at all. I was a bit frustrated, not knowing what he thought. "Bella, do you know what the color brown supposedly does?"

"Well sure… you told me about it. It…" I tried to think of what he had said three weeks ago. "You said something about a connection to earth and the power of self-discipline."

He chuckled a bit, shaking his head. The gorgeous bronze hair ruffled around a little more. Edward was definitely nothing short of amazing.

"Silly Bella. For being so perceptive, you missed the stressed points. Instead, you picked out the obvious and the one you related to the most – Earth and the Native American thoughts, respectively. Brown affects your wholesomeness, improves your stability. It gave you strength and cleared your mind."

He tapped my forehead lightly and I smiled in embarrassment.

"Okay… so I'm still better, right?"

He grinned the same crooked smile for the hundredth time tonight and I practically had a heart attack.

"Right." He hugged me closer and began to hum my lullaby. "I love you," he said, pausing for a beat.

"Mmm, I love you too, Edward." I drifted off to sleep.

I was done. Everything we had been through in the past few weeks was over. Edward was back and he wasn't going anywhere. Everything was as it should be.

**Hmm… this used to be the official last chapter of 'Cutting' but I have thought about it a bit (including re-writing the entire story). There will be one more chapter (an epilogue) coming out in the next two days. And then, of course, I shall write/post the three chapters in Edward's POV.**


	29. Epilogue

**This is the epilogue to my fourteenth story. Refer to prologue for info.**

**Disclaimer: These are Stephenie Meyer's characters. I have my ideas, and I'm fitting them in the month or so between New Moon and Eclipse.**

**A/N: I'm dating this story based on Twilight Lexicon's Timeline.**

_Bella's POV:_

I sat on the couch after coming back from a hunt. Bored, I sighed.

Outside, the air was chilly, though not for us. Snowflakes floated gently from the white clouds filling the sky. Some light shined through in the distance, and the water sparkled from the reflection.

For the millionth time since my change, I looked down at my left arm, tracing over the smooth, pale skin. The cuts from all those months just over a year ago had disappeared when I became a vampire. But the image of the thin, pinkish-tan patterns was burned into my perfect memory.

"What are you thinking about, Love?" a soft, musical voice said as its owner sat down next to me. I was pulled into Edward's arms, and I leaned against his chest. The steady rise and fall from his unnecessary breathing matched that of my own.

I pushed my shield away and brought up the image of my cuts. Sharing my thoughts had become a mental task with Edward.

He flinched almost unnoticeably, pushing me away in the process, but pulled me back a split second later and held tighter. The pressure was not painful, but loving and I buried my head against his beautiful, porcelain chest.

"I'm not leaving. I promise. I love you." He kissed my forehead and hugged me closer still.

I allowed the shield to fall back in place and completely sunk into his grip. Nothing in the world, inside the comfortable house or outside in the frozen winds, mattered but Edward.

"We never figured out what the garden meant," I whispered after a few moments of silence.

"I think about that every time. What did you feel? What were you thinking?"

I smiled a bit, remembering exactly what I wanted the day when my leg was cut. How could you forget Edward coming to lie in bed next to you?

"I suppose I was happy, but a bit unsure. I mean, I was glad I didn't have to go back, but I didn't know what to expect. There wasn't much structure anymore. I wouldn't be going to Nancy's house every Tuesday and Saturday anymore. I didn't know if I would see you as much or if you really would leave. Yet, I had managed to move past the bad memories. At least I had what seemed like a clean plate in front of me. Perhaps a chip or two off the edge, but clean all the same."

He nodded his head throughout my little speech. When I finished, I thought about my words and realized exactly what I was saying.

"The steps mean uncertainty. They always meant that. But I'm not uncertain anymore. Therapy was just another dead end on the vine. I needed to find my future – and that's why she ended there. Once I knew where I was going, I could move on, move forward. And you always were my future, Edward. I'm exactly where I was meant to be."

I looked up to see Edward smiling down at me. His crooked grin never ceased to amaze the teenage girl inside.

"I love you so much, Bella."

He picked me up and threw me onto the bed roughly, but carefully. I bounced once and looked up at him, shocked. A wide grin sat on his face and the bounce in his body pointed out the laugh he was trying to hold back.

I growled at him, upset he would find this funny, but then he pounced and trapped me underneath his body.

"You are mine, Bella," he whispered roughly in my ear.

I shuddered underneath his grasp, looking forward to what would happen in mere minutes. We always had good memories when I was 'claimed.'

I started to speak up, trying to get in a sweet and quiet word or two before I was screaming in ecstasy for at least the next twenty-four hours, but his kisses smothered my face and left me speechless.

**I finished writing this in English class today, and rubbed my hands together at the end saying, "I think that's the perfect end." A stupid grin was plastered onto my face and since the room was quiet up until I spoke, everybody looked at me like I was nuts. Can you imagine how that must have appeared to them? I probably appeared like an evil genius – which I can't deny I'm not. I mean, isn't that the PERFECT end??**

**Love you all! So sorry the story is over, but I am starting a new one with Twilight-is-Lovee, soon. So add us to your author alert list!! Plus, I have three more chapters to write in Edward's POV. Look forward to that….**


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